REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD LOVE ME.....


1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

I leave it blank because I don't have any reason why one should and could love me.

I AM LOST, I AM VAIN.

" Rachel, you’re no longer the person I used to know. "

" I know. "

" You’re so different now. "

" I know. "

" What happened to you? "

" Life. "

Have you ever felt so tangled up that it’s killing you inside and when you want to let it out you can’t find the words to begin explaining it to someone? So you decide not to tell anyone..

How is it possible that I feel so numb, sad, broken, lonely, and lost at such a young age? Why am I no longer care-free? Why is it that I have no idea what’s wrong with me? One minute I would be happy, thankful for what I have then the next I would just be a crying mess on my bedroom floor. How is it that before this I used to be a bubble of endless laughter and lately I find myself enjoying my own company more?

Why is that I no longer feel the need to go out and have fun? I know it’s a good thing but I just find it odd. Lately I would just rather stay in my room and let myself disappear into my thoughts. Why is it that I no longer understand myself? That the choices I make continuously surprise myself? Why is it that Im beginning to question myself? Why is it that I find myself slowly losing the drive to live? Am I losing myself?

My family... Aren't they suppose to be there for me? Why is it I always feel sad and broken all over again everytime I see my friends so happy spending times with their family. Spare me some thoughts please... You're losing your daughter... Do you not get that? She needs you!!!!!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT????? 

I CHANGED.. I NO LONGER KNOW MYSELF.
I feel sad because the people I love can’t seem to accept that I’ve changed. That I'm no longer the little girl they used to know who used to blow bubbles and crawl into their bed at 3 in the morning because I had a nightmare. The little girl who share every problem she had with her daddy and expect her "bigman" to fix it. I feel sad because I feel like nobody understands me anymore and all I need, really is someone to talk to but I can’t because there is no one around. And I am afraid that after listening to me pouring what is held in my chest, they would probably send me off to a hospital for depression or something.
Things are forever changing inside of me and I can’t keep up. I feel sad because things that used to make me feel complete and happy just aren’t adequate anymore. I feel sad because I feel like I'm slowly losing myself and I can’t do anything about it. It’s like I’m slowly watching myself die. And most of the time,I feel like I don’t make sense anymore.

I feel insignificant. Small. Tired. Exhausted. Numb. Not alive..

It’s like I'm dead inside and I'm waiting for something or someone to show up at my door to make me feel alive again but at the same time I know that nothing or no one is going to show up at my door to make me feel alive again.. NO ONE CAN DO THAT.. Too much had been done over the years. I lose the ones I loved forever.. Our family breaks apart.. The guilt of not inheriting what I am plan to do..

TOO MUCH...... If I could turn back time I'll fix it all bit by bit...

VAINPOT AND DISCONTENTED 

What I would give to get my heartbeat racing again,or to feel some electrical shock running through my whole body when my fingertips come into contact with the fingertips of another person. I find it sad how I speak of love devoid of enthusiasm and emotion. Monotonous is the word,I think. There would be no difference in tone if I were to talk about love..

Has love lost it’s charm on me? I feel like the whole world is under its spell and I’m the only one excluded from everything. It’s like being in a room where everyone is high on some form of drug and I am the only one sober. Everyone,including myself would be staring at the wall and they would see ridiculous yet interesting figments of their imagination on the bare white wall whereas I would just be staring at a bare white wall. Is the spell fading? Because if it is,I would like to send an owl to Professor Snape and beg him to brew a love spell for me.

Only because this is getting awfully dull. No sparks,no racing heartbeats. No sweaty hands or butterflies in my stomach.. I wish my life was more exciting and better.

spare me please

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down..

:katy perry hot 'n' cold.

Talk is cheap... 
... and gossip is even cheaper.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" must have had a hide of steel and a heart of stone. The recent turn of events has shown that the exact opposite could not be truer, shit indeed be everywhere.

Words, when simply thrown around, can bring down even the strongest person... as I've seen from one of my close friends whom I respect the most. Words, when simply thrown around, can also distort the truth into something hideous and poles apart from what it really is... as I've had the truly awesome opportunity to experience myself.

The new lesson for today: There's just no escaping gossip if fate has you in its cross hairs. Whether you're the Blair Waldorf of your community, or the extra in the background just passing through, you're at equal risk of having your shit hit the fan. And so it happens, it seems that this rash of gossip is the twisted gift that keeps on giving.

It's all so vicious. And out of control. So there's no point in me blogging about this, really. It's just sad when people choose to see the truth through the words of others, rather then through their own eyes.




Fuck trust. Fuck secrecy. Most of all, fuck gossip.

Absolute silence is the way to go. Always!!

confused, conflicted, "confuzzled"

How many times have we all wondered if someone liked us? Of course, there are those times when we wonder if a friend or someone we just met likes us, but I am talking about the BIG QUESTION here: Does the person I like, like me too? Does my crush have a crush on me too? Does he find me attractive? Am I good enough? Is there a chance for this crush to bloom into something else? Or am I like just a friend? Is he available? Does he like me? Or does he find me utter foolish after finding out I am into him? (Oh God imagine me asking this to a guy.
FUCK that'll just make me sound so desperate I could just bury myself right after)
The questions goes on and on in my head leaving me with all these tangled noodles silly desperate question which I can't seem to spit out.
Well wouldn't it be incredible if we could read minds? Think of the embarrassment we would be spared, not to mention the HEARTACHE that we might have to suffer with once we get the answer in which we wouldn't want to hear?
Oh REJECTION is my worst enemy. I never take it easily. :(

SO BE KIND TO MY VULNERABLE HEART AND LET ME KNOW.
DON'T LEAVE ME WONDERING, GUESSING, DOUBTING AND ASSUMING...
My thoughts can be very wild at times. So please don't make me think of it on my own.





spelling error on this shirt *cryptic*

I just don't belong anywhere in this world.
-here I am in the middle of the night in the dark blogging my heart out and expecting that some of the weight is lifted.
Do you ever wonder why I'm laughing with a group of friends one second but then two seconds later I have that distant look in my eyes starring into blank space, three seconds later I have no track of the conversation, four seconds later I wish I was anywhere else but there, five seconds later I am forcing the smile back on my face pretending I know what's going on.. when really I am too caught up with all the thoughts in my broken head.
Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel so out of place most of time. I don't feel like I fit in everywhere I go. I am trying to break through this black solitude. It is slowly taking over my soul.. I don't know how much longer I can stand...

I trade my soul to the devil.

I want to feel the things like what the others feel but I'm deadened and numb instead. I can laugh or smile but it is intellectual, the muscle might contract to such movement but I feel nothing. I feel like I'm not here, it feels like I am floating around and a separate part of me isn't aware of what I am doing. Take it like I've left my body and now my soul is wandering around. I feel like I'm not really here. I'm distant far away... I FEEL LIKE A ROBOT manipulated by people around me!

to think you know what is love? think again... 
What is love? Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, is your voice caught within your chest? That isn’t love, that’s just lust. Are you proud and eager to show them off? That isn’t love, it’s pride. Do you want them because you know they’re there? That isn’t love, it’s loneliness. Are you there because it’s what everyone wants? That isn’t love, it’s loyalty. Are you there because they kissed you or held your hand? That isn’t love, it’s low self esteem. Do you stay for their confessions of love because you don’t want to hurt them? That isn’t love, it’s pity. Do you belong to them because when you see them your heart skips a beat? That isn’t love, it’s infatuation. Do you pardon their faults because you care about them? That isn’t love, it’s friendship. Do you tell them every day that they’re the only one you think of? That isn’t love, that’s a lie. Are you willing to give up your favorite things for their sake? That isn’t love, it’s charity. Does your heart break when they’re sad? That’s love. Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? That’s love. Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close, and holds you there? That’s love. Do you accept their faults, because it’s part of who we are? That’s love. Are you attached to others but stay with your love, without regret? That’s love. Would you give them your heart, your life your death? Think about it for a second.

why does everyone keep leaving? 

Here I am again feeling all suicidal and sick of life.
Forcing laughter, faking smiles, pretending nothing is up.
I cannot help thinking why does everyone I love keep on leaving? Is that like a curse cast onto me or something?
I've had enough. Everyone has left.
Not even one person stayed. Urghhh whatever. No one cares anyway right?
I am just the unimportant out cast, yahh what i think and feel doesnt matter.
Well when i die.That shits on you.


Do you know what it feels like to be crying in the bathroom and then you have to put on a happy face when you get out?
Fuck everything!!!!

it is time to end the charade...

I am not sure of how much longer I can hold.
Feels like my life has been passing by with happiness being a lie. Can someone reach out for me?
I am trying to take the most that I can stand by I keep falling. I hope I'll get over this phase..
In my isolated misery I feel like the epitome of darkness and despair just leading on to nowhere. I am running on a slower pace since the motivation is gone.

Nothing is more beautiful than a real smile that has struggled through tears.

The day a 5 years old little kid decide to boast me around... 

Yes indeed it is exhausting.. Now I am having doubts whether I would want a kid on my own in the future or not. It is really so tiring to look after kids especially when the are all hyped and active!! No kidding.. But never ever feed carbonated sugary drinks to a kid they'll go crazy and hyped!! The sugars is pumping through their adrenaline I guess because they won't stay still for real!! OH GOD! Mummy I think I will be sending my kids to you in the future. ^^

Here's what happened that one exhausting day.

Her mom dropped her off over.

"This is how you keep your purse safe".. and that comes from a 5 years old little girl.

True tho'

Poof! There is a giant hello kitty on the passenger side staring at you!

No kidding when I told you she went all hyped and lunatic.

Didn't I tell you she was bossy? Yahhh she is!! Instead of having her follow you, you are the one who have to follow her... @@

The "pfft pfft" term, expression, definition..

I've been replying my friends with "pfft pfft" whenever I know I won't be winning the argument.. So yeah the "pfft pfft" is like a feedback I give when I am not happy with something on the accord..

Here let me show a face... :)

Quit playing games with my heart..
If you like me let me know..
If you don't stop acting like you do..
Boo!!!! Shame on you!

my nonsense noodle mind making nonsense.. 

Mind noodles. That's what I called them and that's pretty much how I'd describe it now.

I thought everything was fine, and it was. But sometimes the stripey tape and cautionary signs are put there for a reason; once you pass them, some things start less and less sense. Like this post. I wish Blogger had a password protect function to protect you from this drivel, but it doesn't so I'm sorry, here I present my tangled mind noodles on my blog.

Maybe it's that goddamned Nobody song driving me nuts, or maybe it's because I carry the burden of many at once. Either way, I don't know what to think now. For I saw what I wrote, and it was heartbreaking and rubbish.

do you want fries with that? Quoted from a hoe friend Juan

I know, I don't blog enough, and if I had 1 cent for every time someone huffed at me about the lack of updates, I would have enough to buy... a medium double cheeseburger McValue meal. wtf.

Because when I don't think about it too much, time just seems to pass by in big slurps without anything happening that I feel the need to sit down and blog about... with the exception of a few things that I don't talk about :S

I think the best way to describe it is like when you're happily slurping a Coke at McD's while spewing a string of Inception theories at your friends, and you suddenly slurp in a mouthful of air which tells you that you ran out of Coke. And then you feel cheated because there's no way you reached the bottom of the paper cup so fast. sigh.

The funny thing about doing what I do though, is that for some things, it doesn't really matter if you don't blog about it because there are about 50 other people probably did (complete with your mugshots, mostly), and so there will always be a bit of you floating around in someone's archives. Probably not the best way to get about it but hey, sometimes they tell it better than I do ;)

everyone has a secret..

All of us have secrets we keep, things we hide behind a mask of "I'm good!" to a "How are you?", even from our closest friends sometimes. Because people don't really care anyway.. everybody's already got enough problems of their own, duhh. Because the truth would let people see beyond the face you put on for polite company, and it wouldn't be a pretty sight. Because it's just easier to live life pretending that everything is gonna turn out just fine.

It's not hard to catch the signs of the emo secrets, it's the emo tweets late in the night, or sometimes blog posts like this one. But I swear I'm not like this all the time, really.  At times, I'm still the one you equate with laughing too hysterically, WTF jokes and inappropriate poking of boobs... okay the last one's applicable for Navreet, Khai Wee and Amber only. Still midnights just have a way of bringing out the emoness in me.

I am against pathetic people.

Why give people the satisfaction of letting them get the best of you, when you clearly already know that they envy and want to be you? You should feel bad that they are pathetic enough to want to live their lives through your downfall. People are too weak to follow their own dreams and will find every way possible to try and discourage yours. It’s a natural thing, don’t curse it; bless it, because these pathetic people encourage my conceit.

Don't call me a bitch..

I try to take the high road. I’m not the type to pull people down while trying to claw my way to the top. And of course being called the nice girl is way better than being called the bitch.

People won't stay very long...
It’s sad really. People rust. they evaporate. They slowly erase. And we wonder what happened. Was it our fault or theirs? Did we neglect the friendship or did they no longer need what we had to give? The boys, the girls, one day their names will begin with, ‘you know, what’s her name.’ It’s tough when you realize that the nurture of relationships is constantly evolving, despite every attempt you make to make it last. To live in love. To freeze people in memory...

TIRED, I AM...

Been surviving 2 to 3 hours of sleep recently because I cannot help it when it comes to Korean Dramas...

Friends. A simple word isn’t it? 

It’s uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. Who are your friends? I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. Now I know that friends aren’t that, they’re the people that touches your heart. You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just because it was with them. They’re the people you can share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, and just have fun with. They don’t judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. They look at you and they see a great person, the one they love spending time with. You all share something in common and are tied together by memories, tears, laughs and smiles. You’re tied together by love for the other. Friendship is the strangest but greatest thing in the world. My friends are my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, love and my life.. If you hurt them mark my words.. I can make your death look like an accident. :) 

I am  going to start eating healthy..

Expectation:

Reality:

Dear guys...

Guys, sometimes a girl just wants you to do cute things for her.

She never says it, but she secretly hopes that you’re the kind of guy that likes to show the effort in a relationship. Bring her flowers, as cliche as they may be. She’ll still appreciate them (and her mom will love you), and you’ll just be that much more special in her eyes. If she’s allergic to flowers, bring her some carrots. She’ll love you that much more because you care about her eyesight, am I right? (; But seriously, bake her cupcakes, get down on one knee.. and tie her shoe. Blindfold her and take her to the mountains above the city, but bring extra blankets. Look, a girl just wants to feel special. No matter how cliche or small you do it, she’ll appreciate the effort.
I promise.

That moment when I've been hinting so much on how I like my crush but he is playing hard to get and pretend he does not get me!!

What a girl wants.. and what I want.

Every girl needs that guy who she can wrap her arm around. The one who will kiss her on the forehead when she’s sleeping. The one to wipe away her tears and tell her she’s beautiful. The guy who just doesn’t compare to anyone else.

Pessimist screw you... Optimist welcome!!! :)

I cannot stand people who self-loathe and hate the world 99% of the time. I can’t find myself to even associate with those group of people anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that because I too used to be that way but I’m not anymore so it interferes with the new me. As cliche as this might sound, life is too short to be spent on drowning in so much negativity. At the end of the day, you’ll find a solution to whatever it is that was affecting you and you’ll wake up to a new tomorrow filled with new different things.

Lately I’ve been surrounding myself with optimistic individuals who enjoy being happy and do everything in their power to maintain that happiness. They’re goal oriented people who strive for success which is exactly what I needed in my life. I feel like they’re actually genuine in their motives which is relieving. These past few months have shown me a lot when it comes to whom I associate myself with. I’ve learned not to invest time on people who no longer matter but actually use that time on how to improve my self being. So for that, I thank the new people I’ve met along the way for getting me out of those horrible phase I was in that kept me depressed for so long. I’m not calling it a victory just yet because of course, anything can happen but I’m keeping myself as optimistic  as could be and will open up to new great things. I like how I feel so I’ll do anything in my power to keep it this way.

Am dancing and cheering up the mood!!

That proud moment you have

When you were on the computer whole night online and you know very well you are having exam the next day and you end up not being able to answer any of the question for the paper.
Well..... I regret NOTHING! :D

Boo yah!!! After so long finally you understands what you are studying...

Denial over denial...


We deny that we’re tired, we deny that we’re scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed, and most importantly we deny that we are in denial. We only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after awhile, the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can’t recognize the truth right in front of our faces.

It is just a bad day not a bad life..

I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore. It's hard to put it into words, but I guess it's like I was fast asleep and then someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together that sort of feeling does anyone else ever had this similar feeling?

When you heard something late night

expectations

reality

WORST DE JA VU... it is happening once again....

Have you ever been at the point in your life where you don't have anything to say? You know, the point where everything seems to be going utter disappointing and it is just a massive screw up that you just don't care anymore?
Yeah, I am at that point for now.

You can call me heartless or whatsoever but behind this smile and tough look you see on the outside there is these shattering pieces of heart that can never be mend back into whole.

Forgive me for that but over the years I've seen and even go through how much of hurt it must have been to see someone whom you've seen so strong standing and doing anything before but in a blink of an eye there they are lying hopelessly on the bed in a hospital fighting for their life with every little breath they have left. What more are there to do? I've been through too much.. that explains why I am like this now. It no longer saddens me instead it just strives up the mad rush through my veins. The AGONY I am having now is overwhelming..

The not so assertive Rachel..

So the dormant miser side of me is slowly gnawing its way out recently.. It is not that I tend to do so but recently I found myself struggling trying to get back what others owe me. I just do not know how to ask them for my money back.. Boo on me right?
To be honest I always have issues in being assertive. I just cannot say NO when my friends ask me for a favor... 

A girl knows that she will find her place soon.
She got her ticket, I think this time she is gonna use it,
She is gonna fly away and walk away of everything.
She is gonna leave and go away...
Too much corruption and hatred.
This young girl said that her mind is made..
No one could try and stop her, persuade her with their power any longer.

I always question myself.. Am I content?

The most important thing in life is to understand who we are and what roles we play in this great scheme of grand design called LIFE. Life is a curious thing really. We all have an understanding as to what and where we stand in life to a degree where I think is just skin deep. Most of us travel through time hoping to find the one thing that we never get, which is satisfaction. I don't think we can be truly satisfied. It's just the same as we will never have enough money. We are always looking and seeking for more. Lust for life is always going to nudge on the side when we think we have everything in the world.

As usual like a Boss, I will always be...


I am the kind of person who always allow my intuition to guide me. But there are times I just refuse to listen to it, even when it was screaming from inside of me trying to tell me that it is time to back up.

Well the typical ignorant me just wouldn't care and by that I got my pride thickening up on my face. Not exactly a bad thing since there's absolutely nothing attractive about a girl with little pride. But I have to admit that I am a very proud kind of person. I do notice it. Even when I am around my friends I tend to be like boasty and stuff, but that was all so innate I was always the type to judge people and having the thought that some people are just a bunch of hooligans trying to fool me or something and from there I got the hatred within me.. I don't react well to being nice or polite to people who just don't seem to have their respect towards me nor themselves.

Despite that, I have never been the one to have walls around me either. But I have been building these walls for years now. A few people managed to tear down these walls but when they left and bruised me in anyways the walls just came right back up, and this time it is going to be thicker and stronger than ever. It is thickening, even as I am typing this.

I am clueless on why the need for me to have these barriers around me so strong. Was I that naive about wanting to keep certain people away. As for now I know that I rarely let people in because of trust perhaps. Back then I was too good for my own good that some people just take forgranted of my trust and abused it.  Although now, I am always around alot of people but I only let a few selected people in and by that I mean like "bestfriends" whom I could share everything with without hesitating being taken forgranted of. As for now, I am cautious, paranoid, and naive. Always anticipating the worst. Always seeing the good but always seeing the bad in people too.

I guess this all happens just because ..... just because........ not every human being are good at heart just as what you see based on the outside. I just don't go well with FAKERS...
SO JUST....
DEAL WITH IT..

I must have.... or I'll :(((((




Oh my Oh my Oh my!!!!!!
I want a Siberian Husky ermmmm right now!!!!!!!
aaaaawwwwwwwwhhhhhhhh!!!

that moment when I am on my lappy and someone just won't mind their own business..
a little privacy please??? Or do I have to share everything with you? =.=ll

feeling like a walking zombie..

Recently, I found myself starring into space blankly.. And whenever my friends tap me in the shoulder asking if there is anything wrong. I would give them a quick respond with a shaking head, a "nothing" and a fake forcefully smile.
Meanwhile, inside there are millions and zillions of stuffs, issues and questions running through my mind that very second...

Not just that, I even notice that I am getting more vulgar and cold. At times when I talked it is as if I am almost a robot with zero emotion or feelings!!!

I know I may sound selfish but I just don't get it why some people's life is just so easy while I am always flat on the floor. Whenever I want to get back up there will always be something dragging me down or pushes me back down...

Now, I really feel so so so TIRED and I don't feel like giving a single struggle to get back up.
I am dried out of STRENGTH, FAITH AND HOPE..

The little blades within me..

Nothing is more terrifying than to find out your best friend not realizing how much they really mean to us..
But now I truly realize.. some people just don't want to compromise.. Sometimes some people get me wrong whether it is something I said or done...
Just because I am all sweet, loving and caring it doesn't mean I wanna be in a relation with you. It can also mean that you are my best friend and i love being with you and never want to lose the friendship we have for now..I thought you know that I am not like some other girls...
You should have been more wise.
I don't want to risk the friendship we are having because I really do cherish it.. Do you not get it?
Being in a relationship is always tiring and heart aching in every ways.
That's exactly why I am avoiding it..
Uhhh and to be in a relationship with a best friend is a definite NO NO NO.. I wouldn't want us to be strangers in the future just because we argue over a small stuff.
''LOVE RELATIONSHIPS NEVER ENDS WITH FRIENDSHIPS''
ps: Please get what I am trying to say..

fatigue.. hopeless.

Lord in my moment of pain and fatigue I look up to you just for one thing. 
Send me someone to lean on because this girl is so tired and it is about time I end the charade. I can't pretend that everything is alright anymore when inside I am shattering into pieces.
So please Lord just send me someone warm enough for me to lean on..
Someone who will listen to my cries and complains when I pour my hearts out.
Someone who will hold their arms around me as I lean my head on their shoulder.
Someone who will be convincing me that everything will be alright. (even if it is not likely to happen)
Someone who will wipe my tears but never tell me to stop crying.

Someone Lord just someone... :((

I AM SO TIRED LORD OF THE GAMES IN THIS WORLD.. 

Oh hey it's me again!
The old me is slowly finding it's way back into me...
Day by day as time pass by..
..I had forgotten to smile..I had forgotten to be cheerful
..I had forgotten to take things as it is and not look on the bad side
..I had forgotten to feel what I am suppose to feel..I had forgotten to listen to myself(It was too noisy to hear my own voice)

It was too difficult to be my own

Was difficult to be normal

Was difficult to be natural

Was difficult to being human

Was difficult being ME..

Because they told me i will be selfish to do so

So here I am again that one part in me is slowly fading away

Wanting nothing more to live

Barely have the reason to be smiling along with the life

Forget what it is like being myself.

MOST OF ALL I forget how to feel accepted by myself..

To chase or not to chase?

That has always been a big issue that I have in myself...
When I got confidence, the stage was gone.

When I feared losing, it was I who won.

When I needed people the most, they left me all alone.

When I learnt to dry my tears, I found a shoulder to cry on.

Life was never the way I wanted it to be.
But it was always better when I left chasing the best.
I learnt it from my experience that till the time you chase the things you love,
they run away from you.
And when you start running away, they start chasing you.

IN THE END It all depends on you, which side you were to select!

I am still in the midst of either two... 

It is killing me.. it hurts so bad..

Have you ever felt that mad rush inside of you when someone/something is harassing you but there is nothing you can do? The main reason why it is so is because you are terrified that it will be worse. Sometimes, I really wish my relationship with my parents are super close, as in where I can share anything with them and keep my integrity. But, there are some stuffs that I just don't know how am I suppose to share with them. I know I can't fix most of the stuff on my own, I always will need them....
The fire in me is sparking up and I am almost on the verge to the breaking point. I despise myself for it.. Every morning I just hope that everything was just a nightmare. It is just too terrible to be real. :(
I am tired, it's been too much sleepless night, I don't know how much longer I can survive just 2 to 3 hours of sleep with a frequent sudden waking up in between. I am amused that I can stand up everyday and facing everyone pretending everything is alright when inside I am crying out loud!!!!
That part of me really want to let them know my issues but I am trying my best to not bring up any trouble. I am way past those days where I am nothing but a troublemaker.
WAKE ME UP FROM THIS FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in love! 

Dedication for one of the wonderful Daddy ever! ♥
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!


Once a year is not enough to say I love you dad
You've been there for me all my life,when I’ve been happy or I’ve been sad.
When God made you, he labeled you just for Rachel "MINE"..
He was so right,no other dad can measure up to you.
A hero always in my eyes,he gave his last to me.
You are the only man who have my heart from my first breath up till now.
Whoever my future man are he better be loving and caring for me the same way as you or should be doing better... To say I love you so much dad on this special day,comes from the heart of your only daughter whom you’ve cared for all her life.
We never say the things we should,as often as we might, but dad I really mean it when I say.
God gave the best DAD to ME.... 

such a HOTTIE HOTTIE HAWT!
I am melting.... Zac efron  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

well this is so me..

I bet i am not the only one who reads and thought I've understand then goes to the next page?
Argh!!! Wait I don't remember what did I just read?!!! @@ 

Those moments..

when my crush replied me back.

when my crush wasn't online.


when my crush totally ignores me and yet he is obviously on by the look of his recent activities!!

What most of us are like.... :)

one week before exam,

one hour before exam,

during exam,

After exam,

2 WEEKS FROM NOW I'LL BE JUMPING YEAH-ING LIKE TAE YANG!!!!! :))
Why you may ask? Well next week is my finals and 2 weeks from now I'll be leaving to Sarawak my home sweet home with my comfy bed, mummy's delicious home cook meal, little brother to harass, friendssss(but i think first week I'll ignore them because I just want to chillax).............The thought of these drives me nuts and I really just want to get over with the finals and shout "toodles KL"...

For the guys out there! Do you know what girls look for.. 

I have always heard from guys that “it’s very difficult to understand a woman” and I can't oppose but have to agree with this because being a women I know why guys say this. Base on my point of view, the reason is women's mind work in a very different way. I myself at times is unfathomable and it really drives some of my friends go crazy.. **giggle*

To top it up more, I realize that girls expect things to happen for them without expressing it..  Now let’s talk about what a girl wants in a boy. If a list were to be made it will go on eternally it’s a never ending list. But I narrow down my list with some of the few basics stuff;).. For me I'd search for guys with Honesty, good sense of humor, handsome with good muscles, mature, sensitive, confident, good personality, down to earth & last but not least goes well with all of my friends. Frankly speaking girls get attracted to boys  very easily to who have these qualities. But it is very difficult to find a guy like this because I am still searching for that guy. O.O"

Guess who am I?

I come every day without any invitation..

I stay for six to eight hours every day..

But still no one gets bored by me..

Some people like to stay with me more than eight hours..

What is the matter?

Why everyone loves me so much?

so....

Guess who I am?

a thoughtless thought of mine.. 

Funny how our heart talks to us sometimes. The way we feel about things, the way we view things. Our perceptions and our judgments can sometimes be clouded by our hearts. But then again, if we live our lives without following our heart it would be as if we are living a lie. A lie that is being orchestrated by others. We let others tell us what to do or we give in to other’s expectation. That is not life. That is a lie!!

At times the decisions that we make would take us to a different path, a decision that might lead us astray. When hardships arise due to the choices, we need to see them through and learn from them. I have learned a lot by making the wrong decisions. Well, I can’t really say that they are wrong coz it’s a choice right? I should say I have made some choices that I didn’t quite like the "consequences" (that's much better), and I have learned from them so that in the future I will not make the same choices given the same or similar situations arise.

I do not know why I am writing this, but it was just in my head and so I have put it down on paper. Wait a minute, it is more like online hehe…