I am not as tough as I seem on the outside,

I’ve always been the type to shield my emotions. I swallow all of the pain and fake a smile as tho’ nothing went wrong. I’m a ray of sunshine most of the time, which means you know something huge is up with me if you see me unable to put that fake smile on my face.

I’ve always thought that it is pretty pathetic for me to be thinking that crying is a sign of weakness and, therefore I refuse to cry in front of anyone or let anyone know I’ve been crying. I can’t help but thought about crying is a sign of weakness even when how many times my friends try to convince otherwise.

The most frequent phrase I’ve heard from my friends would have to be this “CRYING IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS BUT IT MEANS YOU HAVE BEEN STRONG FOR FAR TOO LONG”

I know that the statement is very true but me and this little pride of mine just won’t understand..

I prefer crying alone and wipe all my tears and put on a fake smile before I go out to meet my friends, because letting them know I’ve been crying meaning I need to do a draft of massively long essays about what had happened and why…
So it is easier to swallow all the depression up either than having trouble explaining what had happened when at times I myself have no clue about what had happen.
So why trouble myself trying to explain when it is better left unsaid?