For the guys out there! Do you know what girls look for.. 

I have always heard from guys that “it’s very difficult to understand a woman” and I can't oppose but have to agree with this because being a women I know why guys say this. Base on my point of view, the reason is women's mind work in a very different way. I myself at times is unfathomable and it really drives some of my friends go crazy.. **giggle*

To top it up more, I realize that girls expect things to happen for them without expressing it..  Now let’s talk about what a girl wants in a boy. If a list were to be made it will go on eternally it’s a never ending list. But I narrow down my list with some of the few basics stuff;).. For me I'd search for guys with Honesty, good sense of humor, handsome with good muscles, mature, sensitive, confident, good personality, down to earth & last but not least goes well with all of my friends. Frankly speaking girls get attracted to boys  very easily to who have these qualities. But it is very difficult to find a guy like this because I am still searching for that guy. O.O"

Guess who am I?

I come every day without any invitation..

I stay for six to eight hours every day..

But still no one gets bored by me..

Some people like to stay with me more than eight hours..

What is the matter?

Why everyone loves me so much?

so....

Guess who I am?

a thoughtless thought of mine.. 

Funny how our heart talks to us sometimes. The way we feel about things, the way we view things. Our perceptions and our judgments can sometimes be clouded by our hearts. But then again, if we live our lives without following our heart it would be as if we are living a lie. A lie that is being orchestrated by others. We let others tell us what to do or we give in to other’s expectation. That is not life. That is a lie!!

At times the decisions that we make would take us to a different path, a decision that might lead us astray. When hardships arise due to the choices, we need to see them through and learn from them. I have learned a lot by making the wrong decisions. Well, I can’t really say that they are wrong coz it’s a choice right? I should say I have made some choices that I didn’t quite like the "consequences" (that's much better), and I have learned from them so that in the future I will not make the same choices given the same or similar situations arise.

I do not know why I am writing this, but it was just in my head and so I have put it down on paper. Wait a minute, it is more like online hehe…

You selfish people SUCKS!! 

Exam fever is just utter torture but thanks to it, at this moment in time I get to realize some of my so called "friends" true colors. Some are just so extremely selfish when it comes to sharing knowledge. To be honest, I am truly disgusted at all of you with the dirty shit attitude you would do to a friend just for a final exam. You all are just so bloody SELFISH for your own good. Well fine! Go be that way I don't give a damn shit anyway!! GO STUDY BY YOURSELF! Who needs you all anyway?!!

Clearly, it is so lucid now that you all are not the friends I want to be wasting anymore of my time with. So let me thank you all for your time and stop wasting anymore of mine! I hope you all will eventually choke up by the guilt and die! >.<ll

Well, I'm learning to look at emotional setbacks objectively, and to see failure as feedback on how to be successful in the future. I've promised myself that I will be kinder to myself, and that I will stop wasting my time.

I know that the transition from high-school to university is difficult, and it makes you vulnerable to feeling lonely and clingy, but I can always count on my old friends being there eventually, and I can make new friends.

I used to think that being in a relationship was the ultimate goal. Since I was 10 or so, I've found someone every year to be infatuated with. Now, I know that while being in a relationship is desirable, "SO" I KINDA don't need it for the time being. It can wait.

I'm smarter, older, a little bit wiser. I'm not lazy, and I can do anything if I want to. I think I'm a slightly different person to who I was last year.

It is that time again.

There is nothing much more fun hected than exam time for a teenage college girl like me! I'm on my study week break for the coming exam, and while this should be a joyous occasion I am plagued with the red tide and cramps. Which means terrible crazy mood swings so sometimes I'm happy with a little craziness coming along and sometimes I want to throw things against that someone who bug me even if it is just a minor issue..
Yay for me now I am officially INSANE! Tho' I feel bad for my new friends who just know me and not get my state of mood for now, since this is still my first year in college..

The new me is here to stay!

Ain't it funny how sometimes we get so depressed with life and what life has to offer that we forget to count the blessings we have? I know I do fall into that slump time and time again. Maybe some of you might think, Gosh this girl must be a super depressed girl. I really am not. I do write down how I feel and it may be rather dark and clouded but it is my way of releasing myself from it. Instead of letting myself drown into it, I pour and express it out in words on paper or cyberspace, just so I can feel that I have expressed, and someone has listened.

I am learning how to be more thankful with life itself. The Lord has given me the life and a destiny for me to realize, and I am going to take this destiny with pride and enlightenment. I am learning to look and search for a silver lining in everything that happens, in every event that might sadden, and in every laughter that brings hope. I am not perfect but I am glad that I am still so blessed.

I have put myself down and put myself in places where it was not very happy for a couple of months, and I have treated myself so unfairly and so negatively that I personally do not even feel sorry for myself. I am SO done with being that me. Frankly speaking, I do not like it. I woke up this morning as if I just had a revelation given to me. I felt so much lighter, so much happier, so much more exalted in a sense where the knots were untangled and troubles are just so far away. No longer burdened with self doubt. I am ready to fight the good fight and just live a fabulous life. Anyone who try to bring me down you can line up with the others waiting for me to give a f*ck.
I do not need new things, new gadgets, new hairstyle, new boyfriends or girlfriends, new friends, new anything at all. I have forgotten all about the power of self acceptance! Thanks to YOU Lord who has helped me find my way back into the LIGHT.

I do not give a damn what you might think but the REAL RACHEL is here to stay!!

Mixture of mad crush and heart delusion..

In the midst of battling with my own heart issues, I have sorta lost my sense of self. My heart and I really have issues with each other at times. I am a bit naive with my heart. I think most of us when we are in a situation where we focus on trying to ignore something, we are bogged down with it even more and left in a more confused and dilemma condition. 

I am just a little bit caught in the middle. Life is a maze and love is a riddle. I am just a little girl lost in everything about you for a moment.  You are stuck in my head. You startle me and knocks me off my feet when I first met you. I can't pretend though I try to hide. I LIKE YOU BOY I LIKE YOU! I don't know why. No matter what I do my heart is filled with you..  I don't know why and can't really figure it out. Felt as tho' my heart is going to pop!  Well, it is not everyday that I found a person quite perfect like you... You're basically almost all listed down in my ideal guy aspect list.
You're sweet, you're fine..  Now let me take a moment to state out what probably makes me fall stupid for you: ( these are just what I can think of for now)

• Those killer dimples just got me on the first sight. I just can't get my huge eyes off of you when I am with you. (I think your friends can see that my eyes really are glued to you)
• Your sweetness eventho' at times you ask me to shut the hell up without any reasons. It really bugs me at first but now I am used to it. I take it as a "silence breaker" when you ran out of something to say.
• Honestly, you are cute inside and outside eventho' I struggle with myself to deny it in front of you because I don't want you to know that I think you are cute and create an awkward situation.
• I realize that you are a mummy's boy. (it is in my aspect list of ideal guy)
• You don't smoke and I can see that you don't like smokers too. (It makes me fall for you even harder)
• You actually smells nice. (I sort of smell you >.<)
• Love how you speaks out what's in your mind without worrying about the consequences. 
• I love how you suddenly out of the blue complain about stuff that happened to you. (most of the time the weird funny stuff ^^)
• I love the fact that you are always funny. 
• I just like YOU I guess!
  
  So dear @#$%^%^&,
   Don't keep me hanging here cause this girl is falling stupid for you..The proper  thing to do is for me to act like a lady and wait for you to make the first move. But I don't think you're getting the point that it's you that I want.
  Why does it always feel like I am chasing love when nothing's there..??Uh ohh you got me... Show me that you too feel the same.. Boy I can't resist, cause all I want now is to be wanted by you.  
  
  
                                                                          

S to the T to the U to the D to the Y spells  STUDY!

Am physically and mentally exhausted to the very core. When I say physically I do mean it physically! Sitting on the study desk for hours is cramping up every parts of my body especially my back and my neck! Studying at times seems like to be utter torture! Trying to shove everything up into my cerebral cortex (parts of the brain- center for sensory & motor functions that serves the memory, language, reasoning, intelligence and personality) I told you I was studying didn't I? Well I pick that information up during anatomy class... Amused by myself that I am actually paying attention in class recently.... *applause for myself*

Lately, I've been having this strange urge of reading story books but just can't seem to find out where the library is here. So I've been reading this one story book of mine over and over again for a total number of 4 times! How  much pathetic can my life be? Urgh! drop me off at any library with interesting story books for the whole day and let me read for as long as I want please....
I am getting sick of reading about human and science stuffs. I pretty much don't have any choice but to read about it since I am studying under allied health and science college.
I need a break.... Wouldn't it be nice If i were on a cruise cruising to paradise having a peace of mind and not be bothered by anything else? I seriously need a holiday.... Plans to have a quick wild escapades is luring in my head and I am afraid I'd snap and would go for it!

when someone you like ask you who you like..

Since he popped out that "question" then voila the inside of me just went ballistic!! An outburst mixture of frustration is engulfing me bit by bit and I just don't feel alright! I try to stay calm and not care about it but why I can't seem to do so? So becoming a fool I lied and tell him I have no interest in any relationship for now.


If it wasn't because of me trying to held up to my pride, I would be draining tears like an overflowing water tank. I despise myself for not being able to speak up my mind. This is so wrong I am not the kind of girl who would shatter down over a "dude" thing I am way past that because I've been training myself hard not to be emotionally involved over a guy.. I used to think of it as not essential to be in a a relationship for my age now.

After the first hurting much break up I've had 2 years back I've made a commitment to myself where I'd be avoiding being in a serious relationship for the moment and eventually open up in the near future until I found that one guy who I believe wouldn't hurt me and take care of my heart pretty much like it is his. As for now, while waiting for Mr. Right to come into my life, I'd be forcing myself into closure because I hated the crying, cheating, lying and the fooling around.
Guess now my heart decide to rebel on me and fall without even me knowing about it.

At this very moment I really do not feel like talking.. What I want is just to cuddle up in bed tearing down, listening to all the musics that just suits the situation I am going through now and not be bothered by questions like what happened? Are you alright? You know I won't be spilling my hearts out about it because I seriously have no fucking idea about what had happen to myself!!!!!
I am starting to feel the pain in this little heart of mine! It's been so long since I've felt this kind of pain... I hate it so much!!!! What did you do to me boy? Did you take my heart without asking for my permission? Would you kindly please return it back to me........ :(

WHY GUYS LOVE GIRLS:
(taken from his blog.. He posted it out right after I asked him why he never gives up)
1.The way they always smell good even if it’s just shampoo
2.The way they always find the right spot on our shoulder
3.How cute they look when they sleep
4.The ease in which they fit into our arms
5.The way they kiss you and make everything alright in the world
6.How cute they are when they eat
7.The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end its all worth while
8.The way they are always warm even if its minus 30 degrees
9.The way they look good no matter what they wear
10.The way she fishes for compliments even though you both know shes the most beautiful thing on this earth
11.how cute they are when they argue
12.How their hand always seems to find ours
13.The way they smile
14.The way you feel when you see her name on the caller id after you’ve had a big fight
15.The way she says “lets not fight anymore” even though you know an hour later…
16.The way they kiss you when youve done something nice for her
17.The way they kiss you when you say”i love you”
18.Actually.. just the way they kiss you
19.The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20.Then apologizing for crying over something that silly
21.The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22.Then the way they apologize when it really does hurt (even though we dont admit it!)
23.The way they say “I miss you”
24.The way you miss them
25.The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesnt hurt her anymore. Yet regardless whether you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them… it matters not.Because once in your life whatever they were to the world they become the world to you. When you look them in the eyes traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without a trace of sound you know that your own life is inevitably consumed with the rhythmic beatings of her very own heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of a mind, but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt. 

just a simple thought of mine.

I am unfathomable at times which keeps me surprisingly amused most of the times. Though it is worrisome sometimes to not know what you really are in character, because for me who I am is a twirling tornado of nothing but contradictions. I am like a book who does not indeed match her jacket (notice I didn't say cover ^^). Who I am changes as I gather information on things and develop myself, I believe it is called growing or "evolution". As someone who is not concerned with boxes for me or people I meet, the backlash of social media is sometimes troubling. You see, I am some what of a thinker, or at least I believe myself to be.. :) Not trying to brag but I am unique just the way I am authentic inside and outside you can't find anyone like me in this huge world.

The older I get, (though I am just nearing the age of 19th) the less I judge any one, because the longer I live the more I see it’s easy for some things to happen to some people. It by no means excuses wrong, for wrong is still wrong. However, when we can we should view wrongs in the context of life with lenses of humanity applied to it most of the times. While I am pretty sure there are a handful of things that will never happen to me, though they’re also a shit load of things that could happen to me and the only reason they probably didn't was because, I still have people who loves me surrounding me that prays for me even when I am bound to not know it..

Recently, I seem to think maturely and somehow wisely. I always remind myself I am not greater or better than anyone and conversely they are no greater or better than me. To me that is where my authenticity lies. I am unapologetically the best of me I can be today or any other days, some days I’m better than others and well that is just life but I don't brag about it. It is due to the fact that life still goes on and who knows what is waiting for me a minute ahead.
I got into this habit of questioning my hate or love for things. You know playing the devil’s advocate of why I believe in things I do, who told me what I believe and what was their agenda for sharing. What things I believe come from MY experience, why do I think this and that about that. I started asking myself are there actually facts to support my views or is it just merely something I believe because someone I know, love, and respect told me it was so. Solely, I do not bother much about what people think about what's coming out of my head through my mouth or through my writings because I was never born to please anyone who do not like me. (just saying)  

Eeeepppp! Can I have you?

So cute......... Arghhhh i can't bear the sight of him.

CUTE!!!!!

Truthfully I want you as much as you want me.

I know I am being such a fool, how could I left you hanging for far too long? 

Where is my head? Where is my heart? You are way too good to me. You confess your love with full devotion but I kept on confessing my need to be free. I still feel being in a relationship is not essential because I hate the cheating, lying, crying and fooling around. No matter how you convince me that you wouldn't ever hurt me in any ways but I just can't seem to think otherwise.

Deep down inside.... baby I have to admit it,

I want you! I want to snuggle with you at night, smelling your T-shirt and hugging up as close to you as I can. I want to not want to let you go. I want to touch your face tenderly and cover it with feathery kisses. I want to run my thumb softly along your eyelashes while you’re sleeping. I want to become irritated with your snoring and talking in your sleep until I hear you mumble my name. I want to complain about your cold feet touching me at night or fight with you over the covers. I want to love you. I want to go to you when I’m upset and hurt just to be engulfed in your arms. I think I’d feel safer there than anywhere else. I want that feeling of security I know you can give me. I want to break down crying, completely heartbroken only to have you mend me back together just by holding me close and whispering to me reassuringly. I want to give you peace. I want to be there went you work out because I found it attractive at that moment. I want you to not have to leave so far. I want you to be there carrying my shopping bags when I go shopping. I want to be having every meals with you because I know you'd eat whatever I offer on your plate.

The best friend relationship we are having now is not that bad and I really do prefer it that way. It is the only way I could guarantee myself not to be dreadfully abused by the so called love stuffs. 

THE ONLY EXCEPTION FOR YOU I HAVE THIS STATUS: I love you more than a best friend but no more than a lover.  

I am crazy?

Nothing is wrong with me, I am perfectly normal just a little insane! Hehehehehe...Boooo!

With Love from London by my bestie, Larry.

Finally. my babies arrived! :D Geee! It has been quite awhile since I've had one of these...

Now, it is time to end my craving.

Surprise Surprise! My cute macaroons just can't handle the trip from London here to KL.

It is just too far for them. So much for a lovely macaroons instead it is now MACAHOOONKS!

It is still yummilicious tho'.. Appreciate it very much that my friend thought of me and get me this tho'.

Love you very much bestie. 

I am foolishly obsessing big time,

He is making me insane. Truthfully, from the first time I met him I started to like him. At first I wasn’t quite clear about what’s going on with me, I feel my heartbeat skip faster when I saw him from a distant or when I hear his name. I never think I’d fall for him but somehow he manages to make me fall for him silently without having me noticing it either…

It is rather difficult for me to make excuses.

As days goes by I develop this feeling of jealousy when I saw him with some other girls hanging out and having a great time.

This mixture of emotions within me is beyond my control.

So here I go again, I am lost again don’t know how to feel. I don’t know whether to show it or hide it…

But keeping this inside me is killing me like a stroke right through the heart.

Yeah I know that it really doesn’t make sense but I’ve been looking at him secretly. Tried to figure out what made me fall for him. Was it his charm? Was it his gentleness in ways he handles me? Was it the early morning greeting which I look forward to every morning? Was it those late night talks? Or was it how he treats me just reminds me of my ideal guy???

Oh yesss!!! I am officially falling for him, he keep appearing in my dreams and every single day I miss him so much that my eyes were filled with him in everything I see…

But what hurts is that he is too foolish to notice it and not catch me when I fall…
I tried to suppress my feeling towards him and end this obsession once and for all.

Meeting him was just so great but falling for him is yet still beyond my control.

Bottling up the common sense,


Picking yourself up and starting over doesn’t mean getting yourself into the same situation as before.

It means trying something new, going for new things, do the unexpected, and be proud of what you’ve got. If someone’s being “too sweet”, you know something has to be going on. Don’t let them trap you. Talk to them about it, and let them know that you’re not stupid, and that you can play the same game as them. Show them you’re worth it, but show them you can walk away if you have to.

Don’t fall for the one who is being way too sweet because relationships just won’t work that way. If it is too sweet something is just not right and you need to realise it!

Facts about me and my bestfriends:

• The conversations I have with my best friends are barely understandable by others.
• My best friends and I abuse each other more than anyone could imagine.
• When they borrow my stuff I never expect them to give back cause somehow they never remembers. 
• We love fooling around with each other very much.
•  We can’t stay mad at each other more than one day because we have something desperately we need to share with each other all the times.
•  We share most of our stuff with each other.
•   Put us all together in one room than you’ll see what teenage life is really like.
•  They know when something is up with me, it doesn't matter how much I try to hide it.
•  One thing I am sure of, if you mess with either one of us then you are messing with the rest of us.
•  They always gives me advice that involve brutally hurting those jerk who messes with me.
•  My best friends will sneak behind my back to find out about what is going on when I don't tell them
•  My best friends always know the best for me.
• We always do the weirdest stuff ever and somehow find it to be funny! 
• We love each other very much that is a fact that will never ever change.

Random facts about me:

·       I’m great with kids. I’m like a kid magnet. Kids love me for some reason. Seriously! I am not embracing myself.

·        I am extremely good at keeping secrets.

·        I love my best friends just the way I love my brothers.

·        There are personal aspects of my life that I have never discussed with anyone.

·        I’m a daddy’s girl. 

·       I read a ridiculous amount of books that fits my teenage situation.

·        I love green tea.

·        I love ice cream(prefer fresh fruits gelato)

·        I cry, unashamedly, in sad movies.

·        I love laughing so hard that i spurns on tears.

·        I like swimming because I love being in the water.

·        I laugh a lot, at stupid jokes and stupid things.

·        I’m the girl that never refuses when anyone ask for a favor. Then trouble myself trying to help.

·        I love my life. I’m problem-free now.

·        I am TERRIFIED of BEES!

·        There’s a part of me that still loves to play hide and go seek but, I just can’t seem to find the time to do it anymore.

·        I love to sing. Sadly, the bathroom is the only place I seem to do it these days.

·        I love having my hair and nails done.

·        My hair smells good at all times. I love my hair.

·       I used to freak out when people touched me, but now I’m a hugger.

·        I shop way, way too much.

·        I can’t shout out loud.

·        I day dream a lot and like to act out mini conversations in my head.

·        I have a huge heart for animals and gets mad whenever I see animal cruelty especially towards dogs or cats.

·        Lost count of number of crushes I have had in life. No more counting now though.

·        I am completely left brain meaning right handed. 

·        I hate waking up in the middle of the night because of a horridly scary nightmares!

·       I have a small heart at times I get sulky so easily over small issues

·       I think I pretty much gets whatever I want and I make sure I get it too.

·       The one man I love the most in this world will always be my daddy. I never want anything to happen to him. I’d go to the end of the earth to hunt down and brutally abuse any kinds of thing or anyone who hurt him.

I am not as tough as I seem on the outside,

I’ve always been the type to shield my emotions. I swallow all of the pain and fake a smile as tho’ nothing went wrong. I’m a ray of sunshine most of the time, which means you know something huge is up with me if you see me unable to put that fake smile on my face.

I’ve always thought that it is pretty pathetic for me to be thinking that crying is a sign of weakness and, therefore I refuse to cry in front of anyone or let anyone know I’ve been crying. I can’t help but thought about crying is a sign of weakness even when how many times my friends try to convince otherwise.

The most frequent phrase I’ve heard from my friends would have to be this “CRYING IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS BUT IT MEANS YOU HAVE BEEN STRONG FOR FAR TOO LONG”

I know that the statement is very true but me and this little pride of mine just won’t understand..

I prefer crying alone and wipe all my tears and put on a fake smile before I go out to meet my friends, because letting them know I’ve been crying meaning I need to do a draft of massively long essays about what had happened and why…
So it is easier to swallow all the depression up either than having trouble explaining what had happened when at times I myself have no clue about what had happen.
So why trouble myself trying to explain when it is better left unsaid?

My smile went on steroid when I see you smile. I'd do anything to let that smile stay on your face.... 

I really do cherish every moment with you even when we are on the phone or any sort of video call.

Why do you have to be so far away?? 

Why the huge ocean between us?

so there is this boy,

Yeah he is the best. I can't help it but think of him. Most of the times when I am awake he is the first thing on my mind.

I just like every single thing about him there is just nothing that I hate about him. Nothing at all… he is the perfect one…

When I am with him 

I can let my hair be in a mess and he'd be fixing it
I can say anything crazy and he'd be saying something more ridiculously absurd
I know he'll catch me right before I hit the ground because he constantly reminds me about that
With nothing but a T-shirt on I never felt so beautiful when I am with him..

When he speaks with me slowly, his voice gets softer and just like that my walls come down.

My love...

Do you know what girls want?♥
They want real conversations & love. we want cute dates together, nothing expensive. the truth is we only want to be with you. we want to hold hands & lie beneath the stars we want to be able to say something stupid & not worry about it & we want a guy that will love us for nothing but being us, real plain & simple.. 






What is love?
Well that is the most common and impossible to explain question. First, let me say that philosophers and poets have been trying to answer that question since the beginning of time, so you certainly should not  feel stupid that you don' have any clue about it .

Here I came up with some thoughts on my own:-

1. when you feel something more than friendship but can't quite describe it

2. when you begin to see someone in a very positive light

3. suddenly nervous, shy and unable to think of anything to say whenever you are near that certain person. 

4. feels your heart skip a bit when that certain person walk by you or walking towards you.

5. Being excited about going somewhere when you know that certain person would definitely be at.

6. Not hearing a word your friends say when he was around yet your truly madly deeply drown in his eyes. 

7. Being able to be smart and & fun around everybody but when that certain someone shows up you're unable to say anything that  makes sense.

8. Being clumsy when that certain someone is around.

9. Would cruelly imagine in your head of hurting anyone who tries to go near that certain someone

10. That certain someone is basically in your mind the minute you wake up & right before you sleep.

insanity strikes!

the strong urge to get a  baby lion  "cub" as a pet strike me once again! (>.<)


Well how can i explain this.. I've had this urge of having a a lion as pet  since so long ago  either than that I not only thought of having just that certain wild animal as pet instead I'd like a baby crocodile too.. Call me crazy or insane, I admit I am more than insane to be having such interest of having a wild animal as pet.


Hehehe to my friends I sure hope you all start thinking about the ways and plans to go rob the zoo to get me either a lion's cub or a crocodile for my Birthday this year.... I am really looking forward to it! Hoping much! 





I seriously don't feel that they are that wild they are cute!!!!

They are good for security too since they are consider wild... I''d train it to go bite those people's ass who messes with me, my family or friends!!!  RAWR!!!! 
FINGER'S CROSS for now....... hehehehehehehe....XD



awwwwwwhhhhhhhhh!!!!! i want you!!!