spare me please

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down..

:katy perry hot 'n' cold.

Talk is cheap... 
... and gossip is even cheaper.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" must have had a hide of steel and a heart of stone. The recent turn of events has shown that the exact opposite could not be truer, shit indeed be everywhere.

Words, when simply thrown around, can bring down even the strongest person... as I've seen from one of my close friends whom I respect the most. Words, when simply thrown around, can also distort the truth into something hideous and poles apart from what it really is... as I've had the truly awesome opportunity to experience myself.

The new lesson for today: There's just no escaping gossip if fate has you in its cross hairs. Whether you're the Blair Waldorf of your community, or the extra in the background just passing through, you're at equal risk of having your shit hit the fan. And so it happens, it seems that this rash of gossip is the twisted gift that keeps on giving.

It's all so vicious. And out of control. So there's no point in me blogging about this, really. It's just sad when people choose to see the truth through the words of others, rather then through their own eyes.




Fuck trust. Fuck secrecy. Most of all, fuck gossip.

Absolute silence is the way to go. Always!!

confused, conflicted, "confuzzled"

How many times have we all wondered if someone liked us? Of course, there are those times when we wonder if a friend or someone we just met likes us, but I am talking about the BIG QUESTION here: Does the person I like, like me too? Does my crush have a crush on me too? Does he find me attractive? Am I good enough? Is there a chance for this crush to bloom into something else? Or am I like just a friend? Is he available? Does he like me? Or does he find me utter foolish after finding out I am into him? (Oh God imagine me asking this to a guy.
FUCK that'll just make me sound so desperate I could just bury myself right after)
The questions goes on and on in my head leaving me with all these tangled noodles silly desperate question which I can't seem to spit out.
Well wouldn't it be incredible if we could read minds? Think of the embarrassment we would be spared, not to mention the HEARTACHE that we might have to suffer with once we get the answer in which we wouldn't want to hear?
Oh REJECTION is my worst enemy. I never take it easily. :(

SO BE KIND TO MY VULNERABLE HEART AND LET ME KNOW.
DON'T LEAVE ME WONDERING, GUESSING, DOUBTING AND ASSUMING...
My thoughts can be very wild at times. So please don't make me think of it on my own.





spelling error on this shirt *cryptic*

I just don't belong anywhere in this world.
-here I am in the middle of the night in the dark blogging my heart out and expecting that some of the weight is lifted.
Do you ever wonder why I'm laughing with a group of friends one second but then two seconds later I have that distant look in my eyes starring into blank space, three seconds later I have no track of the conversation, four seconds later I wish I was anywhere else but there, five seconds later I am forcing the smile back on my face pretending I know what's going on.. when really I am too caught up with all the thoughts in my broken head.
Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel so out of place most of time. I don't feel like I fit in everywhere I go. I am trying to break through this black solitude. It is slowly taking over my soul.. I don't know how much longer I can stand...

I trade my soul to the devil.

I want to feel the things like what the others feel but I'm deadened and numb instead. I can laugh or smile but it is intellectual, the muscle might contract to such movement but I feel nothing. I feel like I'm not here, it feels like I am floating around and a separate part of me isn't aware of what I am doing. Take it like I've left my body and now my soul is wandering around. I feel like I'm not really here. I'm distant far away... I FEEL LIKE A ROBOT manipulated by people around me!

to think you know what is love? think again... 
What is love? Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, is your voice caught within your chest? That isn’t love, that’s just lust. Are you proud and eager to show them off? That isn’t love, it’s pride. Do you want them because you know they’re there? That isn’t love, it’s loneliness. Are you there because it’s what everyone wants? That isn’t love, it’s loyalty. Are you there because they kissed you or held your hand? That isn’t love, it’s low self esteem. Do you stay for their confessions of love because you don’t want to hurt them? That isn’t love, it’s pity. Do you belong to them because when you see them your heart skips a beat? That isn’t love, it’s infatuation. Do you pardon their faults because you care about them? That isn’t love, it’s friendship. Do you tell them every day that they’re the only one you think of? That isn’t love, that’s a lie. Are you willing to give up your favorite things for their sake? That isn’t love, it’s charity. Does your heart break when they’re sad? That’s love. Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? That’s love. Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close, and holds you there? That’s love. Do you accept their faults, because it’s part of who we are? That’s love. Are you attached to others but stay with your love, without regret? That’s love. Would you give them your heart, your life your death? Think about it for a second.

why does everyone keep leaving? 

Here I am again feeling all suicidal and sick of life.
Forcing laughter, faking smiles, pretending nothing is up.
I cannot help thinking why does everyone I love keep on leaving? Is that like a curse cast onto me or something?
I've had enough. Everyone has left.
Not even one person stayed. Urghhh whatever. No one cares anyway right?
I am just the unimportant out cast, yahh what i think and feel doesnt matter.
Well when i die.That shits on you.


Do you know what it feels like to be crying in the bathroom and then you have to put on a happy face when you get out?
Fuck everything!!!!