Call me a Heartless Meanie
I guess no matter whose feelings I decide to take care of,no matter how long it takes me to make a decision I will always end up here. Sitting on my bed with depressing songs playing on iTunes,pouring everything out on my blog. My finger tips hitting the familiar squares with alphabets on them, making a soothing tick tack sound.When I think of other people,I almost always end up hurting them. How is that even possible? That you want the best for the person but somehow end up hurting them anyways? Ben,for instance. I will never forgive myself for doing what I did to him. Then when I decide to think of myself,I end up hurting myself. I never win,do I?
As the saying goes put yourself first... Im just trying to apply that. Is it wrong?? 

Can I call you sweetheart?
I have no idea what Im getting myself into. This is what I’ve always wanted. An unofficial official,no strings attached,no label type of relationship. Do I even get to call it a relationship? But now that I have what I thought I’ve wanted for so long I can’t seem to remember anymore why I longed for this. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I always want the opposite of things that I have at that very moment. When will I learn? I guess I never will. This is starting to form a tiring cycle.